ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
They showed a guy on tv in a Brady jersey and a sweatpants boner when the NE offense took the field. They didn't show his face. I hope that wasn't you.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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