I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
i will never coherently bang her
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
