hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
