Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
