This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
