he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
