you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
