I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
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