i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
