Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
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