At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
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My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
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We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
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