So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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