I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Randomize
