the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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