If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
