i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
