I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
