On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
