there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Randomize
