you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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