no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize