We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
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it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
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I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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