Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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