Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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