im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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