Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
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