i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
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You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
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I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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