If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
