Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
