Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
