I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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