She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
