i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
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