why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
Randomize
