I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
