There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We are all done wearing pants today
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
