is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
this beer tastes like vomit already
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
