We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
Randomize
