dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
Randomize
