How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Yeah I hope so. Definately just saw two freshmen in very authentic togas and cotton ball beards. This new class is stepping it up.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Randomize
