i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
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