Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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