so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i just made my gag reflex go away.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Randomize
