honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
