You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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