Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
