thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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