Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
