I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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