I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
