hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
