i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Randomize
