Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
