i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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