I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
