I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
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