Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
