I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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