I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
