she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
