my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
