i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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