my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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