Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Shame is for Republicans.
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