Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Randomize
