No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
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I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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