First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
do herpes really smell.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
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