I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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