Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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