new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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