My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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