my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
