this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
21 Dirty Secrets From Bachelor/Bachelorette Parties That Have Destroyed Marriages
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
23 Fathers Confess The Best Way They’ve Messed With Their Daughter’s Boyfriend
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
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