I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
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I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
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Threesome in a minivan. New low
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?