I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
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