he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...