Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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