i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
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